Funny Wedding Vows Examples and Tips on Crafting Your Own Hilarious Ones
Marriage is an incredibly important moment when two people join their lives together forever. While it is serious in many ways, it does not have to be a somber or dull affair.
It is quite common these days for couples to put a silly or amusing spin on different aspects of their weddings.
One way this is achieved is through funny wedding vows.
Whether romantic or hysterical, vows are a chance to ease tensions in front of guests and create a memorable event filled with happy crying, laughter, and love.
Look over these funny wedding vow examples and tips to write some creative personal promises of your own.
Funny Wedding Vows for Her
Funny wedding vows for her can take all forms.
Whether you decide to poke at some of your future husband’s adorable foibles or you call out silly ways that you can be a great wife, there are a number of excellent options for you to think about using in your own vows.
Funny one-liner vows
- “I love you, pants or no pants.”
- “I love you more than I love Nutella.”
- “Let’s grow old disgracefully together.”
- “When I say ‘I do,’ I don’t mean the dishes.”
- “You’re the french fries in my chocolate shake.”
- “I promise not to watch the next episode without you.”
- “I promise to laugh at all your Monty Python references.”
- “I promise not to force you to watch a Gilmore Girls marathon.”
- “I promise to love you at all times – even during football season.”
- “I promise to keep the house relatively clean, except on Lost nights.”
- “I will love you for richer or poorer, as long as our credit limit stays high.”
- “I will to continue to make your friends jealous of our amazing relationship.”
- “I will give you full supremacy of the remote control but that too on weekends only.”
- “I will comfort you when your team loses and drink beer with you when they win.”
- “I promise that as your wife, I will not keep score, even though I am totally winning.”
- “I vow to love you even as you scan through all those movies without picking one to actually watch.”
Long wedding vows
- “I vow to tolerate your icy toes. I will continue to play with you until we grow old and decrepit.”
- “Today, I vow to somehow get to the end of this thing without ugly crying. I hope I can keep that one!”
- “Honey, I promise to learn how to change a tire. And I will learn how to refill the screenwash when it runs out.”
- “I vow to use a recipe as a guideline when fixing meals. I will delight in our many adventures and challenges.”
- “Now that we’ve spent all this time getting our bodies ready for the wedding. Let’s let loose and eat some cake!”
- “I promise that you will be as important to me as coffee, as chocolate, and as all the episodes of Grey’s put together.”
- “I will always send you ridiculous emojis and memes throughout the day to cheer you up. Even when I don’t feel like laughing.”
- “I promise to be the one who gets up and grabs the remote, even if I wasn’t the one who left it across the room in the first place.”
- “From this day forward, I will make sure your lucky shirt is washed for every game day. And I will have plenty of potato chips on hand.”
- “I promise I will try to love Motley Crue as much as you do, and will even dress up in ‘80s clothing and see a live concert with you. And I won’t even complain the entire time.”
- “I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, until death do us part or you turn into a zombie. Because then we’re going to have to start seeing other people.”
Funny Wedding Vows for Him
Plenty of men will jump at the opportunity to write silly or offbeat wedding vows for their future spouses.
As long as the jokes are tasteful and fueled with a sense of romance, there are many different angles to consider with your personal promises. Be sure to think long and hard about the sweetest and silliest ways to express your love.
Short wedding vows
- “I love you like Jersey loves The Boss.”
- “I promise to always sit by you on roller coasters.”
- “I love you like the musical Cats. Now and Forever.”
- “Today, I promise to take Instagram-worthy photos of you.”
- “I promise to buy taller shoes so you can wear heels.”
- “I vow to be a quality roommate. I will wash more dishes.”
- “I vow to always let you have the last chocolate chip cookie.”
- “I love you through Time and Relative Dimensions in Space.”
- “I vow to protect you from spiders as long as we both shall live.”
- “I promise to pay all my debts to you – a Lannister always does.”
- “I love you more than Midwesterners love John Cougar Mellencamp.”
- “I promise to love you even when you refuse to let me watch football.”
- “I hope to be the only people we can stand at a cocktail party forever.”
- “Today we join our two hearts into one being and not in a Time Lord way.”
- “You’re the first mate to my ship captain, the Smee to my Captain Hook.”
- “I will treasure you like an actual treasure but don’t worry I won’t bury you.”
- “I promise to take out the garbage, even in the pouring rain or freezing cold.”
- “I vow to take your hand when it’s too dark, and the dog out when it’s too early.”
- “I vow to get a professional even though I really want to try to do it myself first.”
- “I promise I will try to eat your cooking as long as you don’t make me look at it first.”
- “I promise to unclog the tub, even though you are the only one of us with long hair.”
- “I vow to cherish you even when you blow one week’s salary on yet another handbag.”
Long vows for him
- “I promise to turn on the air conditioning when you are hot, even if I am totally freezing.”
- “I promise not to drink your drinks, even though I am thirsty and your drink is literally right there.”
- “I vow to wash if you’ll dry, just so we can be together in the kitchen, laughing, all night – every night.”
- “I promise to try to remember to put down the toilet seat and to replace the toilet roll when it finishes.”
- “I promise to understand you even when you are mad at me because of something that happened in a dream.”
- “I promise to love you even though you have an obsession with Britney Spears and other girly pop music.”
- “No matter how many books you get, or how many times we move, I promise to always carry them all every time.”
- “I promise to always respect your choice of music in the car when you are driving. If you are not driving, however…”
- “I promise to hold off secretly watching episodes of our favorite Netflix show until we have a chance to binge together.”
- “Let’s forget when to shut up, forget being polite, let’s be that couple, those people, and have the time of our lives until we drop dead.”
- “I vow to open jars for you and pretend that you loosened it, even though we both know it was my manly muscles that opened that thing.”
- “I promise to love you unconditionally, in sickness and in health, till death do us part, even when you feel the need to accessorize with $400 shoes.”
- “I promise I will learn to love all of your favorite pop stars like Britney Spears and Madonna, and will not criticize your choice in music from hear on out.”
👰🤵 Want to get more interesting ideas? Check out our 35 non-traditional wedding vows for brides and grooms here!👰🤵
Funny Wedding Vows from the Media
There are plenty of great examples of funny wedding vows from movies and television shows.
While you don’t want to outright steal any of these ideas, watching clips from these projects can help to inspire you for your own vows. Here are a few great examples to use as a font of ideas.
From TV Shows
- “You’re my lobster”
- “I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever had to do. But when I saw you walking down the aisle, I realized how simple it was. I love you.”
- “ To love each other, even when we hate each other. No running—ever. Nobody walks out no matter what happens. Take care when old, senile, smelly. This is forever.”
Sex and the City
- “The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you that you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”
How I Met Your Mother
- “But love doesn’t make sense! I mean, you can’t logic your way in or out of it. Love is totally non-sensical. But we have to keep doing it, or else we’re lost, and love is dead, and humanity just packed in. Because love is the best thing we do.”
Parks and Recreation
- “You are the most awesome person I have ever known in my entire life. I vow to protect you from danger. And I don’t care if I have to fight an ultimate fighter, or a bear, or him (points to a random guest), or your mom. I would take them down. I’m getting mad right now even telling you. I wanna spend the rest of my life, every minute, with you, and I am the luckiest man in the galaxy.”
- “In my time working for the state government, my job sent me to 46 cities in 11 years. I lived in villages with eight people, rural farming communities, college towns. I was sent to every corner of Indiana. And then I came here. And I realized that this whole time, I was just wandering around, everywhere, just looking for you.”
- “I guess I kind of hate most things, but I never really seem to hate you. So I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. Is that cool?”
- “I, Christina, take you, Craig, to be my best friend and my captain, to be your anchor and your sail, your starboard, and your port.”
It’s a Wonderful Life
- “He is the cheese to my macaroni.”
- “I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not, to agree to disagree on red velvet cake, and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home.” –
- “You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey, that’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon.”
- “Love is patient, love is kind, love means slowly losing your mind.”
When Harry Met Sally
- “I love that you get cold when it’s seventy-one degrees out. Besides, I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night.”
The Princess and the Frog
- “You’re the best thing I never knew I needed.”
St. Elmo’s Fire
- “She is the only evidence of God I have seen with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry.”
The Princess Bride
- “ I love you. Okay? Want it louder? I love you. Spell it out, should I? I ell-oh-vee-ee why-oh-you. Want it backward? You love I.”
Letters to Vera
- “I need you, my fairy-tale. Because you are the only person I can talk with about the shade of a cloud, about the song of a thought — and about how, when I went out to work today and looked a tall sunflower in the face, it smiled at me with all of its seeds.”
- “I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who’s ever lived: I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.”
The Fault in Our Stars
- “I’m in love with you, and I’m not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I’m in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labour has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you.” –
- “If my like for you was a football crowd, you’d be deaf ’cause of the roar. And if my like for you was a boxer, there’d be a dead guy lying on the floor. If my like for you was sugar, you’d lose your teeth before you were twenty. Moreover, if my like for you was money, let’s just say you’d be spending plenty.”
How to Write Funny Wedding Vows
Writing your own funny wedding vows can be a bit tricky. Balancing humor and sentimentality in a sincere way is no small feat.
You don’t want your vows to feel like a stand-up routine, after all. Still, a bit of humor will keep your guests chuckling and provide an easy way for guests to remember your vows.
Follow these simple tips and you’ll easily have your friends and family laughing while reaching for their tissues.
1. Write in Sections
To make the entire process easy for you, break your vows into three distinct sections. Having a structure like this will help you structure your vows like a story, making it a lot easier to know where the humor should be inserted.
Some suggest to start with a simple story, then move into thoughts about why you love your partner, and finish with the promises you have for your soon-to-be spouse. Weave humor through each of these parts and you’ll have no trouble keeping everyone’s attention.
2. Put a Twist on a Meaningful Message
While humor is a great way to make your vows engaging, you also need to make some promises for the future.
The meaningful side of things can often feel cliché, which is where the humor comes into play. Select a serious topic for your vows, such as the support you have for your significant other, and sprinkle a few jokes and adorable anecdotes into the vows for some guaranteed smiles.
3. Include Nicknames and Personal Details
All couples have nicknames and pet names for each other. Including these personal names and details into the vows can be a lovely way to increase the sincerity of your vows.
Naturally, you want to avoid using any nicknames that will embarrass or upset your significant other. If you have private names in the bedroom, for example, steer clear of including these particular names in your vows.
4. Carefully Borrow from Other Sources
There are endless movies, books, songs, and television shows out there with perfect quotes to insert into your funny wedding vows.
While you might feel tempted to borrow from these sources, try to do so sparingly. It is always best to use your own words, rather than rely on someone else’s phrasings. If you do decide to use quotes, be sure to only use one or two as ways to punctuate your own unique ideas.
5. Avoid Comical Deprecation
While comedy is a great way to keep your vows interesting, you absolutely want to avoid making fun of your significant other.
Getting up before a crowd and tearing apart the personality or habits of your partner is a terrible idea for your wedding. Humor that depreciates a person, especially the person you are about to share your life with, is a type of comedy to be avoided in your vows.
This goes the same for jokes about family or friends during the ceremony. It is not the time or the place for such humor.
6. Limit Inside Jokes
You and your partner probably have an infinite supply of inside jokes that you share with one another on a regular basis.
While these little phrases or reminders can help sweeten the time you spend together, most require a context that guests at your wedding will not have. This means you definitely want to avoid any inside jokes in your vows, as guests will not understand them and likely be confused by your vows.
Sprinkle one or two into the mix for your partner, but try to keep your vows and jokes accessible to all present.
7. Balance Humor With Heart
One big point to remember when writing your vows is to carefully balance humor with heart.
A few one-liners chosen with care will be far more effective than a comedic monologue. While you definitely want your guests to smile, having them rolling in the aisles with laughter is definitely not your main goal. Try to keep the majority of your vows on the meaningful or romantic side, then sprinkle in some jokes to keep your guests surprised and delighted by the vows.
8. End on a Serious Note
Though you might feel like you are on a roll with your jokes, you definitely do not want to end your vows on a silly anecdote. In fact, it is best to tie everything up with a poignant thought or reminder.
You’ve got the crowd warm and receptive from your moments of humor, now is the time to bring it all together for a final emotional punch. There’s a very fine line between laughing and crying, after all.
In A Nutshell
From great lines in television shows to personal details from your own life, there are countless ways to feel inspired to write your own funny wedding vows.
As long as you take your time and really think about the heartfelt way you want to express your feelings, you will have no trouble finding the perfect words to express your deep love for your significant other.