29 Funny Retirement Gag Gifts That’ll Make Everyone Laugh (2022)

  • BY Keegan Kraemer
  • December 20, 2021
29 Funny Retirement Gag Gifts That’ll Make Everyone Laugh (2022)

Retirement is a large milestone for a senior citizen. Be sure they are laughing all the way out of their workplace with these funny retirement gifts.

The new retiree will be beaming ear to ear when they unwrap these retirement gag gifts. Whether you’re searching for a retirement gift for a woman or something creative for a man coming up on retirement, they’re sure to get a laugh out of these humor gifts. But really, the joke is on them!

1. Retirement Schedule Coffee Mug

After spending about 50 years working and doing what other people have told them, it’s their time to go whatever the heck they want. This funny mug makes a great goodbye gift for the coworker that you’re sure to miss. Finally, a schedule they can look forward to.

Buy it: Retirement Schedule Coffee Mug, $22.95, 365canvas.com


2. Funny Retirement Toilet Paper

A gag gift doesn’t get much better than embroidered toilet paper. Yes, you read that right! Of course, you can choose from various different puns. This humorous gift is great for either a man or a woman retiree. The perfect, official retirement papers!

Buy it: Funny Retirement Toilet Paper, $5.75, Etsy.com


3. Retirement Survival Kit

What will they do with all this free time on their hands now? This clever gift is an affordable gift they are sure to get a kick out of. From a candy “cane” to sticky notes to leave reminders, they’re sure to LOL when they get these retirement gift ideas.

Buy it: Retirement Survival Kit, $8.63, Etsy.com


4. A Wise Woman Once Said Funny Quote Mug

Retirement is all about not giving a hoot about what others think of you or what you have to do during the day. This hilarious mug says it perfectly. A subtle and to the point gift for a retired woman to enjoy her morning coffee out of.

Buy it: A Wise Woman Once Said Funny Quote Mug, $22.95, 365canvas.com


5. Retired Teacher Life Tote Bag

Retiring from teaching is a whole other ball game. After years and years of early mornings, late nights, parent teacher conferences, and lesson plans, you have nothing to do. The life-long educator is sure to get the humor in this retired teacher gift.

Buy it: Retired Teacher Life Tote Bag, $16.99, Etsy.com


6. Whatever I’m Retired Clock

During those working years, you always have to know what time it is. Time to wake up, time to go on break, time to clock out. But what about during retirement? This joke clock makes a funny, yet still a practical gift, for a newly retired man.

Buy it: Whatever I’m Retired Clock, $69.00, Etsy.com


7. I Don’t Give A Sip I’m Retired Mug

What else is there to do in retirement than sit around and drink their favorite coffees, teas, and other beverages? This mug makes a funny retirement gag gift idea. Is it coffee? Who knows and who cares!

Buy it: I Don’t Give A Sip I’m Retired Mug, $22.95, 365canvas.com


8. Wine Rack Wall Mounted

For her whole working life it’s been go, go, go. Now it’s time for her to “wine” down. What better way than with this cute wall-mounted wine rack? A lovely gift for a female who loves her wines and plans to enjoy them, even more, when retiring.

Buy it: Wine Rack Wall Mounted, $40.98, Amazon.com


9. Legend Has Retired T-shirt

Nurses deserve a lot of praise for their years of dedication and commitment to their careers. When considering a gift for a retiring nurse, be sure it is something that showcases what an amazing career she has had and what an amazing person she is.

Buy it: Legend Has Retired T-shirt, $10.48, Etsy.com


10. What You Don’t Know About Retirement

Becoming a new retiree is a whole new mindset shift. They were always on someone else’s schedule, grinding away. This gag gift makes a funny yet truthful gift for dad. But sometimes they realize while retirement is great, they might miss their old job and the connections they made.

Buy it: What You Don’t Know About Retirement, $7.42, Amazon.com


11. Retirement Signature With Funny Massage

Get a fun, personalized retirement gift with this framed print. A great gift to give someone at work who is retiring. The words are spelled out using everyday objects and the mat can be signed by all of their adoring co-workers.

Buy it: Retirement Signature With Funny Massage, $54.59, 365canvas.com


12. License to Chill

This certificate is a cheap and funny retirement gift idea for a guy who has spent his career in the police force. A quick, printable gift for a last-minute retirement party that he or she is sure to love.

Buy it: License to Chill, $5.99, Etsy.com


13. Warning Im A Retired Person Frame

If you have ever talked to someone who is retired, you know that they have stories to tell and all the time in the world to tell them. When looking for gag gifts for retirement, you want to get something that is going to make them laugh, this is it.

Buy it: Warning Im A Retired Person Frame, $23.33, Etsy.com


14. Fucking Quitter Wine Glass

Everyone has that one special person at work that they love talking to, a coworker that is just as much a friend as anyone else. This engraved wine glass makes a funny joke and is a great gift for a retiring friend. Don’t forget their favorite wine too!

Buy it: Fucking Quitter Wine Glass, $16.19, Etsy.com


15. Finally Happy On Mondays Pillow

Every working person hates Mondays! They’ve spent the weekend relaxing and not thinking about work only to be abruptly thrown back into it on Monday morning. This humorous pillow makes a great funny retirement gag gift for dad or mom when they finally call it quits.

Buy it: Finally Happy On Mondays Pillow, $34.00, Etsy.com


16. Not My Problem Anymore Beer Glass

He was always the go-to guy for fixing problems at work. Whether it was a jammed printer or picking up an extra shift. But not anymore! This beer glass gag gift is perfect for a retired man whose new favorite saying is going to be, “not my problem anymore!”

Buy it: Not My Problem Anymore Beer Glass, $12.95, Etsy.com


17. Retired Person On The Premises Sign

Give her guests a warning before they even walk in the door with this funny sign. When buying retirement gag gifts for women, simple is best. She will giggle at this joke each time she starts talking to someone and remembers what this sign says.

Buy it: Retired Person On The Premises Sign, $15.99, Etsy.com


18. Funny Retirement Business Card

If they spent their working life handing out business cards at networking events, they are really going to get a kick out of this hilarious retirement gift. The new retiree no longer needs to answer to a boss or anyone else for that matter.

Buy it: Funny Retirement Business Card, $6.50, Etsy.com


19. Wine All You Want Wine Bag

Whether it’s wining or whining, they can do it all they want now in retirement. This wine bag makes a great gift for a retiring friend or coworker with a sense of humor. Of course, don’t forget to include their favorite wine as well.

Buy it: Wine All You Want Wine Bag, $13.00, Etsy.com


20. Everyday Is Saturday Socks

Socks with sayings on them make a great gag gift for him. He doesn’t really care what say of the week it is, because to him, it’s always Saturday. Each day he will be shuffling around the house in his funny socks thinking about those suckers still stuck at work.

Buy it: Everyday Is Saturday Socks, $17.08, Etsy.com


21. Potty Putter Toilet Golf

Combine his two favorite past times, putting and pooping. From outside you won’t be able to tell if he’s cursing at his putter…or something else. This silly gift is sure to get used a lot while dad, the official retiree, works on his skills each morning.

Buy it: Potty Putter Toilet Golf, $22.99, Amazon.com


22. You Can’t Retire From Being Awesome

Keeping the mind active in retirement is just as important as keeping the body active. This puzzle book, although practical, makes a great gag gift for retirement. From word searches to Sudoku, the new retiree will never be bored.

Buy it: You Can’t Retire From Being Awesome, $7.99, Amazon.com


23. Wax Candle

They were your favorite person at work. Your work partner, the one you went to ask advice, to console you, and who brought you coffee on Mondays. Now your colleague is leaving you, FOREVER. Be sure to let them know how much you’ll miss them with this handmade joke candle.

Buy it: Wax Candle, $18.00, Etsy.com


24. Novelty Cane

When it comes to novelty retirement gifts, this cane is a go-to. It includes everything they need to safely walk down the street, a horn, some glasses, and a caution sign. While this certainly isn’t a practical gift, it’s something they can display.

Buy it: Novelty Cane, $14.95, Etsy.com


25. Officially Retired Eye Mask

Retirement equals naps. They’re sure to get a lot of use out of this newly doctor gag gift. Whether it’s grandkids coming over to visit or their significant other trying to get them to do things around the house, this “do not disturb” mask will get them out of anything.

Buy it: Officially Retired Eye Mask, $5.10, Amazon.com


26. I’m Retired Do It Yourself Water Bottle

Before your favorite coworker leaves you for retirement, be sure to get them this retiree water bottle. The joke is on them when they can’t find a replacement to do everything that you used to do when you were at your job.

Buy it: I’m Retired Do It Yourself Water Bottle, $25.94, Etsy.com


27. Funny Novelty Apron

Perhaps dad is going to spend their time in the kitchen whipping up new creations or tapping into their inner Martha Stewart. If so, they are going to love this novelty apron. A funny retirement gift for men who will be spending all of their free time cooking.

Buy it: Funny Novelty Apron, $13.81, Etsy.com


28. Retired Sash

Throwing a killer retirement party? Perfect, then be sure they have this retired sash to let everyone know that they’re the lucky guy or gal who no longer has to work for “the man.” A hilarious gift for the retiree that they can wear even after the party’s over.

Buy it: Retired Sash, $5.95, Amazon.com


29. Old Lives Matter Mug

Many joke gifts have been spawned over the “live matter” campaign. This old lives matter mug makes a great gag gift for senior citizens. It’s another mug to add to their collection so they don’t have to worry about so many dishes.

Buy it: Old Lives Matter Mug, $22.95, 365canvas.com


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They’ve had a good run. Whether it’s your parent or a beloved co-working calling it quits, be sure to get them something that will bring a smile to their face every day. 

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